Motivation Through Acceptance (3 min read)

In their book "Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change" authors William Miller and Stephen Rollnick describe acceptance as a necessary ingredient in motivation.  They specify "to accept a person in this sense does not mean that you necessarily approve of the person's actions..."

They identify four ingredients for acceptance:

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Accurate empathy--"An active interest in and effort to understand the other's internal perspective"

Absolute worth--"Prizing the inherent worth and potential of every human being"

Affirmation--"Seek and acknowledge the person's strengths and efforts"

Autonomy--"Honoring and respecting each person's...irrevocable right and capacity of self-direction"

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Let's take each one and apply it to procrastination.

Let's say I have a presentation due in a week.  When I start to research the topic, I notice I don't understand it as well as I thought I did.  Suddenly, I'm on YouTube because my ego is taking a hit--I'm not as smart as I hoped I was.  I'm ignoring the task to feel better in the moment.

Invoking accurate empathy means I understand that my ego has taken a hit and I'm able to see the situation clearly.  I'm not claiming that I'm just too tired when the energy drain is due to fear of failure. 

Invoking absolute worth here means to recall that my entire self worth is not dependent on my ability to make a presentation.  There are friends and family who know my value beyond reproducing smart-sounding content. 

Using affirmation means looking for personal strengths and positive effort: "You've learned hard material before; it's normal for new things to be uncomfortable.  What's really interesting about this topic?  You already have a few simple key points that you do understand."

Finally, autonomy means acknowledging that whether or not I choose to do the work, that choice (and its consequence) is mine alone.  No one can procrastinate nor do work on my behalf.

What strengths motivate you when you need it?

Warm regards,

-Mariya