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What Drives Our Emotional Tunnel in Arguments (4 min read)

What Drives Our Emotional Tunnel in Arguments (4 min read)

Mariya Hoffman
January 24, 2023

Splitting is..."thinking about a situation only in 'right or wrong, black and white' terms. In other words, if you have a quarrel with someone that person becomes an entirely bad individual with no redeeming qualities. There is no room for 'gray colors,' but only black or white."

When we have an argument with our significant other, we might enter something I call an emotional tunnel. If You're angry, the significant other must have done something to cause it. Nuances about actual motives become elusive.

But what happens if we don't trust the other person with our frustration? We might complain about their transgression to a third party and hope to avoid the conflict all together. However, this means we miss the chance to understand the nuances of their behavior that don't neatly fit into the assumptions driving our anger and frustration.

Clinical psychologist Allan Schwartz has another example of this phenomenon:

Splitting: Bringing In That Third Party

Recently, there was a discussion of a psychological mechanism called "splitting." People accurately discussed its characteristics but did not include an

https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/splitting-bringing-in-that-third-party/

Hope you enjoy it.

Warm regards,

-Mariya